NYMF meeting
12/3/17
GETTING UNSTUCK WITH FOCUSING
Facilitated by Marcella Calabi
Seventeen people gathered on Sunday evening, December 3, 2017. Marcella introduced us to our topic of Getting Unstuck with Focusing by inquiring, “What happens when you are stuck?” The participants responded from their own experience of Stuckness: for example, not being able to move forward, a sense of being powerless in the face of external conditions, not wanting to rock the boat, or an element of scariness at the thought of being unstuck. Marcella skillfully reflected and wove together these various experiences.
Marcella observed that there is always conflict in Stuckness – for instance, 1) wanting to do something and not being able to or 2) a feeling of “should” do something and a feeling of not wanting to. Stuckness has to do with the false certainty that we must pick or choose between the elements of a conflict.
The opposite of certainty is not knowing. Focusing is a way of attending to what comes freshly. So observing in a Focusing way is the antidote to Stuckness and the pathway to freedom. The key is observation. Each part of the conflict may have more to tell us.
Marcella also pointed out that there is false certainty when we make up and then believe a narrative about events. Focusing helps us practice and become stronger at tolerating not-knowing, so that we don’t jump to conclusions so readily. As a cognitive exercise – this is not Focusing but it supports and is supported by Focusing – Marcella suggested collecting information and finding at least 6 possible narratives for a given situation, instead of adopting the first narrative that occurs to us.
She led the group in a Focusing experience, guiding us along the way to keep observing each layer that emerged. She consistently supported us in holding the Focusing attitude of not-knowing. As people shared after the exercise, many were profoundly moved and experienced shifts toward freedom.
The evening ended with some Community Time led by Cynthia Callsen. She inquired about people’s experience of NYMF as a community to which they belonged and what more they might want from this connection. A frequent response was the appreciation that this was a physical, in-person gathering place that people could count on being there throughout the year and which they could drop in on as they could or wanted to. Some also said that they experienced NYMF as a community of people with open hearts providing a container or shelter from the harsh outer world.
Wishes were expressed for more connection – perhaps through posting to a common place such as Facebook, to enable the sharing of experiences beyond our meetings, and also perhaps for sharing a meal together either during our meeting or after.
Prepared by Cynthia Callsen, Susan Deisroth, and Diana Kirigin
12/3/17
GETTING UNSTUCK WITH FOCUSING
Facilitated by Marcella Calabi
Seventeen people gathered on Sunday evening, December 3, 2017. Marcella introduced us to our topic of Getting Unstuck with Focusing by inquiring, “What happens when you are stuck?” The participants responded from their own experience of Stuckness: for example, not being able to move forward, a sense of being powerless in the face of external conditions, not wanting to rock the boat, or an element of scariness at the thought of being unstuck. Marcella skillfully reflected and wove together these various experiences.
Marcella observed that there is always conflict in Stuckness – for instance, 1) wanting to do something and not being able to or 2) a feeling of “should” do something and a feeling of not wanting to. Stuckness has to do with the false certainty that we must pick or choose between the elements of a conflict.
The opposite of certainty is not knowing. Focusing is a way of attending to what comes freshly. So observing in a Focusing way is the antidote to Stuckness and the pathway to freedom. The key is observation. Each part of the conflict may have more to tell us.
Marcella also pointed out that there is false certainty when we make up and then believe a narrative about events. Focusing helps us practice and become stronger at tolerating not-knowing, so that we don’t jump to conclusions so readily. As a cognitive exercise – this is not Focusing but it supports and is supported by Focusing – Marcella suggested collecting information and finding at least 6 possible narratives for a given situation, instead of adopting the first narrative that occurs to us.
She led the group in a Focusing experience, guiding us along the way to keep observing each layer that emerged. She consistently supported us in holding the Focusing attitude of not-knowing. As people shared after the exercise, many were profoundly moved and experienced shifts toward freedom.
The evening ended with some Community Time led by Cynthia Callsen. She inquired about people’s experience of NYMF as a community to which they belonged and what more they might want from this connection. A frequent response was the appreciation that this was a physical, in-person gathering place that people could count on being there throughout the year and which they could drop in on as they could or wanted to. Some also said that they experienced NYMF as a community of people with open hearts providing a container or shelter from the harsh outer world.
Wishes were expressed for more connection – perhaps through posting to a common place such as Facebook, to enable the sharing of experiences beyond our meetings, and also perhaps for sharing a meal together either during our meeting or after.
Prepared by Cynthia Callsen, Susan Deisroth, and Diana Kirigin